Aretha Franklin Sang the Truth

Self- respect. It’s an issue. Two days ago, a participant from a recent program called to tell me about a strategy put to work. Apparently, she recently had received recognition for ten years of service to her firm. A colleague called her within hours of her acceptance of the award- not to congratulate her, but to complain that she hadn’t received the same award at her ten-year anniversary. The participant told me that she was just getting ready to effusively apologize to her colleague when a blinding flash of the obvious occurred. She didn’t owe an apology for someone else’s decision. Self-respect in action.

Here’s another one. In another firm, two partners made a point of telling me that they probably could not give up their habit of swearing near, at, and around their employees. A secretary in the firm gave the nod to their assessment. However, after hearing about the value of denying junk talk, the partners agreed that they could give the strategy a shot. Just one week later, the secretary called to tell me that, not only was it obvious that they were swearing less, but she met with one of them to tell him how much she appreciated his effort. Self-respect in action.

And here’s one more to make three! A self professed whiner of “why me?” recently told me of his 180 degree turn to asking higher quality questions of himself. Questions that would help him move forward rather than holding him back. Self-respect in action.

So many people, and at various levels in their organizations, complain about the lack of respect that they get. One of my first questions is, “what are you doing to show that you expect respect?” Another is, “what are you doing to position respect?”

Recently, I had the privilege of teaching GOMO^®- (Get Over it; Move On) to a federal agency. As we considered the step of the GOMO^® process that focuses on trust building, several employees mentioned the value of giving and getting respect. They are absolutely correct!

So here are several strategies to keep in mind as you build the strength of respecting yourself as well as others.

1. Treat your time and energy as resources to honor. When working with others, clarify the purpose, the expected outcome, and the expectations of effort.

2. Take personal responsibility for those issues and behaviors that are yours to own. Too often, employees feel dumped on emotionally, physically, and intellectually because they haven’t learned how to say “no”. (And yes, it can be done, even with the boss!).

3. Identify the result you want and plan for that result. By your preparation, avoid falling victim to someone else’s whims or reasoned agenda. Certainly, you often need to negotiate, compromise or even accept others’ expectations, but choose a proactive rather than a reactive stance.

4. Approach communication from a powerful position. For example, rather than repeated complaints that you are overworked, speak to your workload from a position of concern about the quality of your work performance and provide solutions.

5. Appreciate your value. Isn’t it curious that we, as individuals, are so quick to criticize ourselves and hold on to negative memories about ourselves? Yet we are not nearly as quick about patting ourselves on the back and believing it. Or accepting a compliment and inviting it to sink in. Or remembering that our value far outweighs our mistakes. Make a decision to honor your value.

Here’s one more idea. Try carrying seven pennies in a pocket. Each time that you remember to honor yourself with a piece of respect, move a penny to another pocket, making an effort to respect yourself at least seven times each day.

These strategies are just a start for building the strength of self-respect. But even these few ideas can move you from the Rodney Dangerfield model of “I don’t get no respect” to the Aretha Franklin model of “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.....”

By Susan B. Wilson, President, Executive Strategies