F.A.S.T. Talk Builds Trust
"Fair"-
Part 2 of 5
"Do not do what you would undo if caught."
(Leah Arendt)
The first quality of F.A.S.T. Talk is Fair. Fair is honest,
honorable, courteous and trustworthy. What strategies can we use that
assure fair language? What points can we keep in mind to keep out
communication pure and without poison? Here are two.
One, deny Junk Talksm. This is a phrase that I
introduced a few years ago. Junk Talk is any communication that hurts
relationship. On a Saturday several months ago, my husband and I were
out doing some needed shopping. Bread. Milk. Soap. On a whim, I picked
up a "Touched by an Angel" video that I thought my daughter would enjoy.
Doug saw it in the cart, but said nothing. We moved on.
Back at home, we put things away, Doug settled in with a newspaper
and I moved towards my office. As I began up the stairs, Doug lowered
his paper and asked, "What possessed you to buy that video?" I looked
over at him and simply said, "As a gift for Breanne."
I sat down at my computer and began working. As I typed, Doug's words
began replaying in my head. "What possessed you to buy that video?" The
more I heard those words, the more annoyed I felt.
I got up, marched down the steps, walked over to where he was sitting
and asked, "What possessed me to buy that video? What possessed me to
buy that video?" (By this time I was feeling possessed.) But I pressed
on. "What exactly did you mean when you asked me, 'What possessed you to
buy that video?'"
Doug looked up at me for a moment. "Well, you usually don't buy
things on a whim. You usually stick to a list. I just thought it was
unusual for you to buy a video."
"Oh."
Junk Talk- communication that hurts relationship. Who owned the Junk
Talk in that exchange?
It turns out that both of us could take some responsibility for that
one. Doug's use of an inflammatory word (possessed) and my automatic
defensiveness in responding to it were both forms of Junk Talk.
Think about it. Most of us discover that we are guilty of words and
ways of talking that hurt relationship in some way. Consider this. What
are examples of Junk Talk that you hear on a day-to-day basis? It
doesn't take long to generate a list. Examples of Junk Talk include
yelling, swearing, unfair humor, comparisons, manipulating others for
personal gain, gossip, interrupting, lying, name calling, criticizing,
put-downs, interrupting, defensiveness, whining, complaining, harboring
guilt, condemnation, impatience, snobbishness, and passive aggressive
comments. And that's a short list!
Most of us are tempted by at least a couple of forms of Junk Talk.
Consider two of yours that you are willing to give up.
GOMO!®
is a second strategy to assure fair communication. Get Over it; Move On.
These are the steps to GOMO!®-
Identify the issue that troubles you. Be honest about your feelings.
Acknowledge your choice to forgive and move on. Do it. Take action to
rebuild trust. Many of you are aware of this concept. Here's an example
of how a work team brought it to life.
Let's go back to a November day in central Iowa. Twenty-five sales
people with a financial services firm had flown in from around the
country. Our time together was to begin at 8:00 a.m. and conclude by
5:00 p.m.
But we had a couple of surprises during the night. A blizzard hit the
Des Moines area. Their senior vice-president had a severe heart attack
at 6:30 AM. They received word of a negative change in their pay and
compensation package.
Ouch.
The group was bewildered. The group was angry. The group was in no
mood to work with me.
Ouch.
We had a goal to accomplish for the company. We were there to
identify strategies to increase sales for the coming year.
And yet the group's current pain and hurt and anger were all very
real.
We needed to effectively GOMO!®-
Get Over it; Move On. Remember the steps? Identify the issue(s), be
honest about feelings, make a decision to forgive, do it, and move on to
rebuild trust.
Here is how we agreed to put GOMO!®
into action. We dedicated three hours to identify the painful issues
with possible courses of action and a plan to get them to management.
The group then moved on to honor the objective of identifying strategies
to raise sales for the coming year. Their commitment to their effort
that day was amazing. Then following year's performance told the story
of the group's success. A memo sent to our office reported that, "Sales
is now the Cinderella of the company. The sales people have been
overachievers on merchant and credit card goals. They're at 128% of what
was asked of them. Credit card production was up 30,000 cards over the
previous year - with the same number of people and resources." She went
on to say, "I have even more great statistics that I could tell you-but
what I also want to share is that the corporate office paid attention to
the group's list of concerns and responded. The sales force now knows it
has a voice. Treatment of people in sales is different now - in ways
that are important to them."
GOMO!®®, Get Over it;
Move On, gives power. Its value lies in the choice to let go of past
anger and grudges to build a more profitable future- financially and
relationally. GOMO!® puts
us back in the present to take advantage of today's opportunities and
blessings. It is a powerful system for overcoming "bad" events and for
moving on to strengthen trust for future goals. Most of us do not have
the time or the emotional resources to remain stuck in the past.
Honest, honorable, courteous and trustworthy describe Fair language.
We would be wise to keep the words of Tom Stoppard (author and
playwright) in mind, "Words are sacred. They deserve respect. If you can
get the right ones, in the right order, you can nudge the world a
little."
By Susan B. Wilson,
President, Executive Strategies
©
Executive Strategies
(269) 408-1525
www.execstrategies.com
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