F.A.S.T. Talk Builds Shared
Communication
Part 4 of 5
"There are two kinds of people who don't say much, those who are quiet and
those who talk a lot." (Source unknown)
The third quality of F.A.S.T. Talk is shared communication. Shared communication
is collaborative. And we can show this in the words we choose, words such as we,
us, our, and together.
Here's an example of collaborative language at work. Not long ago, I spoke at a
Governor's Conference for the state of Virginia. One of the organizers,
Charlotte Anders, did such a great job of being intentional in using
collaborative language in her correspondence with me. On Tuesday, April sixth, I
had sent Charlotte an e-mail saying that our office would make a Friday
deadline, even if it was close to midnight! Within minutes, she zipped back an
e-mail saying, "I understand. I know what you mean. You and I have something in
common. Deadlines sneak up on me too." Charlotte used the shared language. She
used her words to bond with me --- over our looming deadlines!
How effective it is to use language to say we have something in common. How
effective it is to use language that shows understanding. How effective it is to
use language that helps us talk "from the same side of the table".
A second strategy for shared communication is to approach situations with the
perspective of, "How can I be helpful to you?" Consistently ask, what can I do
for you or what do you need from me?
In working with the Drake Lady Bulldogs basketball team, I often saw this
perspective at work in the players. Haley Sames, a forward, would skin her knees
time and time again diving for the ball to save someone else from a turnover.
Her sacrifices for other players built trust and loyalty.
The perspective of "How can I be helpful to you?" disarms. It protects. It
cares. The message is that, I'm willing to take care of you before taking care
of myself. A colleague Michele Matt says, "A good leader creates an environment
where everyone wants to improve the team as a whole as well as themselves." "How
can I be helpful to you?" strengthens relationships.
This next story so beautifully illustrates this point. It comes from a letter
that I received from a reader of one of my books. She shares the story about how
a stranger in her life chose to initiate, "How can I be helpful to you?" and the
positive enduring influence that it has had in her life. These are her words.
"It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving during morning rush hour and there was
a pouring rain. I had learned the night before that my sixteen-year old son had
a malignant and rare tumor on his back. I chose to withhold the information from
everyone until after the holiday. However, I was on my way to the library to
learn more about this cancer. I stopped for gas at an unfamiliar service station
that was very busy. After pumping the gas, I went inside and had to wait for a
mechanic to get out from under a car to come take my money. I wasn't in a good
mood. He looked at me and said, "cheer up - tomorrow is Thanksgiving." I
muttered back, "not a good day..." And I returned to my car. I turned on the
ignition and looked up. Good grief. The grease-smeared mechanic was standing in
the pouring rain, tapping on my window. I rolled down the window. With a big
genuine smile on his face, the mechanic handed me a small bouquet of flowers.
"Maybe these will help you through the day," he said. I was shocked. What did I
convey to this man to receive such a glorious response? There had been virtually
no conversation, but he knew and cared that I was in pain. This business is out
of the way for me, but it is the only place that my car goes for gas or
maintenance. The wonder of a carnation and a few daisies. In my job as an
airline reservationist, I talk with over 100 people every day. Now my goal is to
leave at least three of these people with the feeling of having received a
bouquet."
By Susan B. Wilson,
President, Executive Strategies
©
Executive Strategies
(269) 408-1525
www.execstrategies.com
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