Take the Freedom You Want

Several coaching experiences with clients remind me that each one of us has enormous potential for greater power and freedom through our daily choices.

A recent quote that caught my attention tells us that, "Freedom is not something that anybody can be given. Freedom is something that people take; and people are as free as they want to be." ( James Arthur Baldwin)

Several recent client conversations had a variety of key themes that included an “encouraged resignation”, a desire for a career change, a move to a corporate position from owning a small business, and an admission of needing to release the tyranny of constantly filling others’ expectations. Freedom was a common denominator in these shared conversations.

What is important to you about freedom? What does the concept mean to you?

Liberation, independence, absence of hindrance, removal of restrictions, ability to choose—each is a defining term for freedom.

As I thought about the largeness of these words, my thinking went in two directions. One was thinking about the self imposed hindrances and restrictions that we need to release for greater freedom. The other was remembering that we can accept choices for our thinking and actions that lead to greater freedom. Read on to discover three specific hindrances and restrictions that can bind us and that we need to release. And then you’ll read about three pieces of freedom that you can accept for filling that valuable space.

In late July, seven of us piled into one van for a 500 mile trip to Osage Reservation in Pawhuska, Oklahoma. Never mind trying to pronounce Pawhuska; but take a moment to consider the amount of luggage for seven people for a week’s trip to include sleeping bags and mattress pads.

When I first heard that seven people and all of their luggage would travel inside one van, I thought, “hmmm, I’m not sure that can work”. But I was wrong. It worked, and it worked beautifully. The magic was in what we chose to release and leave at home versus what we chose to pack for real use and value. Appliances, electronics and too much clothing were left behind. Bug spray, sunscreen, water bottles and just enough clothing were packed into bags and suitcases.

The recommendations for what was released and for what was chosen freed us and protected us for the goals of the week. The recommendations for what was released and for what was chosen made our trip simpler and more comfortable for all of us.

The following ideas for release and acceptance are lifestyle recommendations for greater freedom. Choosing to embrace them makes your life simpler, smoother, richer and more meaningful.

Release consumption. Most of us reading these kinds of newsletters have more than enough. We shop, we browse catalogs, we engage in conversations about the latest gadgets, appliances, clothing, and vacations, but when we stop to think-- truly think-- we need substantively less than what we actually purchase. Releasing consumption gives us back time, energy, and money. Releasing consumption frees us from finding a place for, caring for, fixing, and putting away our stuff. Releasing consumption frees our energy for accepting more of what is meaningful for purposeful, engaged living.

Release “self- discovery”. Understandably, many of us desire greater awareness, understanding, insight, and wisdom, but too many of us become obsessed with “finding ourselves”, intense about “the real meaning of life”, and depressed about the elusive “inner wisdom”. We try too hard. Like grabbing a baby bird to protect it, but then breaking its fragile wing, we grab at wanting to “know ourselves” when the greater return is to engage in life, use our gifts, acknowledge the talents and gifts of others, and appreciate life learnings as they occur through relationships and experiences. When unchecked, our self-discovery pursuit can become a selfish, time consuming focus on ourselves with very little yield of real value.

Release perfection. As a recovering perfectionist and a recovered workaholic, I can attest to the gross waste of time and energy and the depletion of good will when perfection is a goal. Pursuing absolute perfection, under most circumstances, is another waste of precious time, energy and money. Rarely can perfection be achieved, rarely is it needed, and often the resources used are put to better use in other areas. Additionally, perfectionists often are ineffectively critical, judgmental, impatient, and unrealistic with themselves and others. Relationships suffer, morale suffers, and essential goals often remain unmet.

Alright, those are three key ideas for release. Now here are three key ideas for acceptance to ensure greater freedom.

Accept relationships. They are what they are. Yes, relationships can be improved, changed, celebrated, mourned or released. But they are what they are. You cannot control them. In a coaching session yesterday, I shared a thought that the client seemed to take with celebration. She specifically said, “this is a powerful idea that I need to remember and use”. As she wrote it down, I wrote it down so that I’d remember to share it with you. Ready?

I cannot control another person’s behavior. However, I can influence it by the way that I control my behavior.

And here is a specific strategy to help you accept your relationships. Ask yourself valuable questions for being more honest and authentic about your relationships. Your increased authenticity makes a difference in how you accept relationships. What is the value of your relationships? What prejudices do you hold that block acceptance in your relationships? Can you acknowledge that some relationships may need to change because the other person(s) is(are) unaccepting?

Accept irregular rhythms. Whether we actually do it or not, many of us know the value of a planned day. However, in our zeal for planning, we forget to make room for “hiccups” in our days. We plan hour to hour, minute to minute, with little margin for error or for the unexpected. And yet we all know that the unexpected is a regular piece of irregular in our days. So let’s raise a cheer to unplanning. In a book titled, Sabbath Sense, the author recommends more unplanning so that we come to expect and accept the unexpected. As we do, we will release more of the rushing, the impatience, and the tightness in our jaws and necks when the hiccups do occur.

Accept wholeness. Your wholeness includes four domains- emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual. You lose preciousness of life when any one of these areas is dormant or unhealthy. What are you willing to do to ensure health and vitality in all of your being? What attention do you give to make yourself more holy and whole?

Liberation. Fewer restrictions. Valuable choices. Greater freedom. These can be yours.

In the words of Voltaire, “Man is free at the moment he wishes to be”.

By Susan B. Wilson, President, Executive Strategies