Meeting the Challenge of Moving On and Moving In

Tips to Make a Move Go Smoother Whether Moving Five Hundred Miles or Just Five Minutes Away!

Life has been shaken up and down and all around for our family this summer. Change? We’ve been experiencing a tornado of change since May 22nd. Thanks to faithful friends and the power of faith, we’ve had a remarkable experience. This month’s newsletter focuses more on the personal with its tips for making a move. Learning what I have about the frequency of moves, I thought these ideas could be valuable to each of you. However, this is an issue that includes information that references faith based beliefs (my life’s reality).

In April, Maytag Corporation was purchased by Whirlpool Corporation so my husband’s job status changed (that would mean he no longer had one with Maytag!) My son donned a cap and gown and said adieu to high school (that would mean we have a child leaving for college for more learning—I don’t really know why; apparently, eighteen year olds already know everything). My daughter said goodbye to friends and mentors in Newton, Iowa in order to say hello to... Stevensville, MI (that would mean she is lonesome for friends and our “adopted” family). I said “yes” to a move and good bye to friends and colleagues and community (that would mean starting over in a new town in order to rebuild a sense of community and contribution in our lives).

So, how do we feel? Well, over the past twelve to fifteen weeks, on any given day, there have been a variety of feelings from family members. Anger, frustration, disappointment, loneliness, bewilderment, and sadness have erupted. Anticipation, joy, loving exchanges, excitement, optimism, gratitude, peace and well being have also been present. If you wonder which feelings are more frequent, the answer would be, unequivocally, the positive ones.

As you might guess, there are reasons that the positive has far outweighed the negative. There are specific actions that friends have taken to surround us with love and support which has translated into greater emotional and spiritual strength and well being. Having learned from Susan Miller’s site *www.justmoved.org that “over 44 million people move every year which is one in five people or 20% of our population”, I realize that most of you reading this article either will be moving or have a close friend/family member who is moving within the next few months. You’ll either be the person needing support or the person who wants to provide it in meaningful ways. Relocation can be a dramatic and traumatic experience! And, if like us, you have no family to turn to for support; the support of friends is of immeasurable value.

In this article, I‘d like to share five tips with you for making a challenging move more of a welcome opportunity by considering what you, as a friend can do for your friend who is moving. Or, what you, as the one who is moving, can do to make a more peaceful and joyful transition. Each of these strategies has made a real and valuable difference to our family to promote our gratitude, peace, and joy in this transition.

As a friend, prior to the move:

Squint with your ears- Invite your friend to talk about his/her thoughts and feelings about the move. Listen without critique. My Bible Study “sisters” and four specific precious friends and colleagues consistently asked how I was doing and feeling from the moment that we said “yes” to our move. Then each one of them really listened to me. Their listening and their time gave tangible support and encouragement for me to greet the day’s challenges and tasks.
Offer honest help that matters to your friend. A variety of friends offered help in specific ways that was so genuinely offered, that I knew they really did want to contribute to our transition. One invited my daughter over for a “Gilmore Girls Marathon” that lasted for hours, keeping my daughter away from the moving days’ chaos that was so uncomfortable for her. Another couple, after taking us out for a meal, insisted on coming over to help us clean out the refrigerator. **Several faithful friends provided consistent prayer, asking us frequently about our needs. Still another invited us to spend the night with absolutely no strings attached to visit— she told us to, “just come in, go to sleep, get up in the morning, and leave.”
Expect and accept “brain cramps”, knowing that your moving friend has lots to deal with in many directions. Many of you have heard me reference the “pieces of stupid” that happen in our lives, the things that we say and do that are just downright dumb such as the telecommunications company who sent out a note to its employees, "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with employees." Or, a manager at a shipping company who declared, “What I need is a list of specific unknown problems that we will encounter."

However, I have my “pieces of stupid” too. A most recent one was confusing an appointment with a high school guidance counselor despite having the name, date, time and place clearly written on my calendar. After apologizing, I gratefully, accepted her chuckle and observation that, “these things happen when you have so much to get done and so much on your mind.”
Offer support through brief calls and written notes and cards. Friends and adopted family members have been so faithful in their support of us through mail, email, phone calls and visits. Throughout the weeks of preparation for the move, during the move, and after the move, friends and colleagues have taken the time to be in touch with personal and meaningful support for each family member. We even had phone calls during our 7 hour trip to our new location! You can bet that their kindness has been “manna” in the moment and for reflection when we have a stressful day.
Cut your friend “some slack” if he/she is not as responsive as usual. I am feeling the crush of time and so many things to do as we move a complete family to a new community, start a new job, reconfigure a small business, send a child off to college, and prepare a teen for a new high school. Though it is uncomfortable to fall behind, I’m immeasurably grateful for friends who continue to initiate calls and notes without expectation. Each one has given a gift of him or herself that will be forever remembered and appreciated and “paid forward” as the opportunity arises.

Now what about you, the person who may be making a transition, whether a five minute move or a five hundred mile move, or a five hour flight to another country? What tips will help your transition for more joy and less worry? Here are six practical suggestions that have made a difference to our calm and joy.

Be thankful and keep score. Pay attention to gratefulness and thankfulness. Be intentional about saying thank you for every good thing that crosses your path. Whether a Starbucks employee with a fabulous sense of humor or a new neighbor from two blocks away who stops by with a Maine blueberry and lemon loaf, or a toll booth employee in Chicago who nods her head in agreement about the inconvenience of travel—be grateful, express your thanks, and keep score of every good thing so that your emotional resources are rich for dealing with the “hiccups” that are a given in any major change.
Expect and accept disruption. No move is perfect. For heaven’s sakes, no part of life is perfect. Many of us need to get more comfortable with the ebb and flow of each day, knowing that there will be aggravations and frustrations. Greater calm comes because we learn to respond respectfully to life’s experiences.
Let go with thankfulness. In our initial decision to move from Central Iowa to Southwest Michigan, there was so much that I readily accepted. However, there were two particular stumbling blocks. One of them was leaving our home and property. Ours had been a home of wonder-- so many wonderful memories with family, friends, clients, and colleagues. And our home was on an incredible piece of property- a country like setting, consistently peaceful and tranquil. Every time I thought of leaving our home and property, my calm crumbled into tears and wistfulness. Finally, a wise and honest friend made this observation. “Susan, are you remembering to be thankful for what you’ve had and can you cherish the memories? Or, are you making an idol of material things?” Her piece of truth was my ticket to the freedom of releasing my sadness. As soon as I strengthened my gratitude for our years in that home rather than focusing on my loss, my spirit was eased for letting go and moving on.
Avoid comparing your new home and location with your former home and location. It’s bad for you; and it offends potential new friends and contacts. Recently, I was at a gathering in our new location where another recent transfer was talking about her move and all that she already dislikes in Stevensville. The response of her listeners was fascinating to watch. Initially, a couple of the women murmured sympathetic phrases. However, within two or three minutes, the group of five women actually backed away from the woman replacing their expressions of interest with expressions of disinterest; and a couple of them broke away for a separate conversation while a third woman offered, “Surely there’s something good that’s happened since you arrived.” Though most of us have moments of sadness and loss and loneliness during a move, it’s best to save the expression of it to a close friend. And, as much as possible, it’s healthy to put a time limit on the grumbly thoughts and to refocus emotional energy on what is or can go well.
Initiate discoveries of “pieces of comfort, peace, and joy”. Remember that I mentioned two particular stumbling blocks in making this move? The second one has to do with valuable relationships. Two close personal friends, a treasured Bible Study with three friends, and a trusted colleague were precious relationships to be leaving. Though they cannot be replaced, I am thinking about ways to initiate new relationships that will be valuable as well as focusing on strengthening the relationships that I appreciate so much...despite the physical distance.
Pray. Remember that ** in one of the above paragraphs? We continue to be amazed about the power of prayer. Try it. I believe that you’ll enjoy the same amazement!

It’s now been 3 ½ weeks since our move. Our days are still having their hiccups (we’ve learned that no house is perfect and mapquest is sometimes wrong!), but as I reread this month’s issue, I’m again giving thanks for predominant peace and calm thanks to the love and care of true friends. Who needs your care or my care in the next 48 hours that will make a difference for a smoother life transition?

*Take a look at Susan Miller’s faith based book, After the Boxes are Unpacked: Moving On After Moving In” at www.justmoved.org.

By Susan B. Wilson, President, Executive Strategies

More information about our move:

You’ve now read about our move. Let me share the vital information with you:

My office is now in Stevensville, MI-- 2 minutes from the beach!

With this physical move, we are also making a strategic move. Our practice through Executive Strategies now focuses on three areas:

Personal and professional coaching for your personal best in work life and living life (many testimonials and references to share with you when you are ready to pursue this opportunity!),
Writing (a current emphasis on F.A.S.T. Coaching for the Quick Fix That Really Sticks-- a series addressing the five most prominent concerns that emerge with clients AND an emphasis on the book of GOMO!, our trademarked concept of Get Over it; Move On!), and
Leadership with Class (a remarkable facilitated experience with substantial yield for each and every client.