From Brassy to Classy

How to Be One of the Most Powerful Communicators in ANY Room!

Language is powerful. As such, it is used for good or for bad. Sometimes, we don’t even realize the impact of our words until the damage (or the good!) is done.

Many clients are working with me because their communication isn’t working for them. They need new ways of conquering old fears and difficult conversations. They want to build reliable influence and personal strength to manage any interaction. They want to know how to build trust and protect relationships. Most of all, they want to quit having the feeling of, "I wish I hadn’t said that!"

Sometimes, without realizing it, we use Junk Talk^sm (any communication that can hurt relationship). Take a look at some of these client quotes excerpted from some of their conversations; do you have a similar example of Junk Talk sneaking into your language?

"Why don’t you just butt out? This is my project."
"I don’t care what your boss says; he’s not boss of my area."
"You don’t make any sense; what in the world are you talking about?"
"Don’t go getting all defensive on me."
"I’ll just go to Human Resources and lodge a complaint against you."
"You people are leaving our people high and dry."
"Can’t you ever do anything right?"

There is a dramatic need for each of us to take stock of our verbal habits, and to become more aware of each word. Does it enrich or detract from our conversation? Does it bless or diminish trust in the interaction? Make the decision to be slower in speech and quicker to listen. Keep a "tight rein" on your tongue. In building just these two new habits, you will receive the gift of richer conversations and healthier relationships.

Here are six more specific ways to build trust in relationships by the healthy power of your communication:

Avoid making excuses or blaming others for what doesn’t get done. Determine the commitments that you are willing to make, and get them accomplished.
Ask meaningful questions to learn and acquire valuable information; avoid having "all of the answers". People who learn to listen with care will most frequently ask questions of value—for themselves as well as for others.
Stop using language that compares yourself to others. Decide to be the very best that you can be; compete against your own performance. Allow others to do the same.
Respect those with whom you have conversation. Seek to learn from them rather than trying to discover how they are wrong or mistaken.
Admit when you’ve made a mistake or when you’re wrong. Do it quickly. There is strength in self correction. Let it lead to self acceptance and greater self confidence.
Use inclusive language. Us, we, our, together—each of these is a word of inclusiveness. None of us want to feel left out or lonely. What do you consistently do to assure that others feel part of the conversation?

More powerful communication is just a word away. Remember, the real power of conversation is not just saying the right thing at the right moment, but leaving unsaid what you wish to say in a tempting moment.

By Susan B. Wilson, President, Executive Strategies