All of Us Deserve the Red Carpet Treatment

An email from a reader sparked a reminder of watching the Oscars in February and seeing the stars come down the fabled red carpet, each person basking in the special treatment of experiencing a starring moment, even if not actually a star. For the most part, those who “walk” the famous red carpet are viewed with a level of admiration and respect, even awe.

Why does it take a stroll down a famous red carpet to elicit that admiration? Don’t we all, by virtue of our miraculous creation, deserve the respect of red carpet treatment?

Consider the email that I mentioned earlier.

“I work in a law firm and have been for over 7 years. Being a woman and an administrative staff person, I often deal with tiresome corporate testosterones. We (administrative staff) sacrifice most of our self-worth for a high salary. I have seen administrative staff sob in the bathrooms; and I have had a friend hide behind me as a partner of the firm shouts at her about her worthlessness. I’ve also had my share of discrimination and injustices from the higher ups. Frankly, our firm just isn’t interested in compassion and kindness.

My question is this: How do you keep a job for the sake of your family and also maintain your dignity when you're dealing with condescending, belittling, and arrogant people who use their position to exercise power over you??”

In conversing with this woman further, I heard more examples of the lack of “red carpet” treatment endured by her and her colleagues. Although there is not an easy, guaranteed action to stop the arrogance of others, there are several ideas to consider to raising the probability of working in a more respectful and rewarding environment.

Discover your options. Most of us have them.

Quit outright. Make a plan for another job and then quit. Express your concerns to Human Resources and work with them on a plan of action for improvement. If improvement doesn’t occur, quit. Go directly to your boss and discuss your concerns, asking for a plan of action. Escalate the expression of your concerns to the person who can best help you to pursue a reasoned response. Use your most powerful alliances to seek resolution.

Before you read these and sit down to write to me about why one or more won’t work for you, remember that my point is: Discover your options. Too frequently, we don’t see a way “out” of our current distress. Most of the time, there are options for getting “out”. Keep them in mind to raise your confidence and strength when dealing with the ugly behavior in others. By far, most of us do not “have to” put up with belittling, arrogant, and condescending behavior from others. Stop it so they will.
Pursue the opportunity to set standards of respectful behavior within your organization.

Many employees express the desire for a more respectful and collegial work environment. In fact, most employees with whom I’ve worked have expressed a keen desire for: understanding and contributing toward significant goals, working well with a team, understanding the value that they bring and how they can improve their performance, being listened to, and hearing appreciation when deserved.

Given this keen desire for more respectful behaviors in the workplace from so many, it makes sense to invest time in a plan for the “red carpet treatment” of working well together just as plans for achieving financial goals are identified and executed.
Avoid sending mixed messages in order to avoid receiving mixed messages.

The woman who contacted me with her frustration gave me several examples of wanting to share her ideas for improving the law firm with higher ranking men in the company. She indicated that they would invariably ask her out to “discuss the value of her ideas in more detail”, but the conversation consistently turned to more personal topics rather than remaining work focused.

Does anyone else notice a pattern to break here?

In this particular case, the suggestion is to keep work related discussions in the work environment since the pattern of going out to “discuss the value of her ideas in more detail” was going nowhere…………again and again.

Consider some of the situations at work that most bug you. How might your behavior be contributing to them? What behavior could you change in yourself to influence a change in others for more consistently respectful collegial interactions that lead to “red carpet” treatment?

Near the end of the conversation with the law firm employee, she made a comment that grabbed my attention.

“We trap ourselves. Our salary is too high to just quit, but we start losing our dignity in order to keep the money.”

What a wise insight this woman gives us. "We trap ourselves." Could it be that if I create a trap for myself, then I often have the wherewithal to take it apart again to regain my freedom ? I think so. What about you? Will you choose to pursue the red carpet treatment that can be yours and shared with others? Or will you languish in pain of your own making and deprive yourself and others?

"It is our mind, and that alone, that chains us or sets us free."
--Dilgo Rinpoche

I want to thank Ms. H. for sharing her dilemma and concerns so candidly! And we thank her for her permission to use her question for this article.

By Susan B. Wilson, President, Executive Strategies