Truth and Consequences

I’m thinking about truth right now.

Earlier in the year, I picked up my daughter from a friend’s house. As she got into the car and closed the door behind her, the diatribe began.

“Mom, I am in so much trouble. I forgot to show up. I was so worried about calculus that I went to a study group and forgot to show up for choir rehearsal. Mr. Wingate is going to be so mad at me. I can’t believe I did that. It’s not me. I’m not unreliable. I keep my commitments. It’s just not me to forget like that.”

“I can’t believe I did that. It’s not me.”

In the ten minute diatribe that went on and on about her distress for missing choir rehearsal, my daughter said, “I can’t believe I did that. It’s not me,” at least six times.

Finally, I pulled the car over, put it in park, and looked at her. “Breanne, honey, let’s really take a look at the truth. Evidently, it is you to forget choir rehearsal. It’s what you did. You made a mistake. It’s true that you don’t do this kind of thing often, but you did it today. Believe it. Accept it. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Even as I spoke the words to Breanne, I knew that I needed to reflect on them as well. There are many times when I’ve turned to blaming, excusing, rationalizing or avoidance to veil the truth of a situation so that I didn’t have to feel more exposed to my errors and personal failures.

Everyone experiences mistakes and errors. This is a truth. Everyone could have the courage to admit mistakes to get over them and move on. This is an opportunity for building personal strength. How often do we really acknowledge the truth and take our opportunity? Your response influences people and outcomes by your positive example…or not. Your response demonstrates courage…or not.

Many of us view mistakes and errors as weaknesses to cover and hide. Yet, wouldn’t most strong leaders agree that the process of acknowledging and taking action on errors is strength in itself? Wouldn’t most strong leaders agree that the learning from mistakes contributes to even greater strength?

You have the strength to face your mistakes, tell the truth, and take the action that leads to even greater strength. You have the strength to deny the junk talk of blaming, excusing, rationalizing, and avoidance.

Breanne showed her strength to repair her relationship with the choral teacher by accepting responsibility for her “forgetting” and taking action on a respectful apology. You and I can develop greater strength from acknowledging and taking valuable action on our errors as well.

Here is a strategy to try. In the next two or three days, keep this phrase in mind. Name it, claim it, and tame it. The next time that you make an error, whether in a relationship or working towards a goal, name your mistake and claim the responsibility for it. Then tame it by taking action on a remedy. Do you need to apologize? Make restitution? Fix it? Focus on taking action for the best possible outcome, both for remedy of the error and for your personal growth. You’ll be glad that you did.

By: Susan B. Wilson, MS, MBA, CSP