Conflict Resolution Strategies

GOMO!^® 
Get Over it; Move On!

GOMO!^® —Get Over it; Move On is a remarkable strategy.  GOMO!^® is a discovery of the power you hold to get over obstacles that hurt your relationships and that block progress towards your desired goals.  GOMO!^® is a simple process to learn and apply, whether with one employee or with a work team.  It’s a powerful secret that needs telling for resolving daily conflicts.

Get Over it; Move On! is a daily strategy for getting over weaknesses, removing negativity, and insisting that your teams move on to the power of an extraordinary high performance team.  What needs getting over?  What specific issues and negative behaviors are blocking achievement?  Daily annoyances, petty grievances, situational stress, the curve balls of project goals, grudges, and personal betrayals are just a few of the areas that benefit from a sincere GOMO!^®.

Here are the five steps of this powerful strategy that immediately raise productivity, reduce stress, and increase energy for goal achievement once you’ve determined an issue that needs a GOMO!^®.

1. Get connected with your feelings. “People can refute your facts, but never your feelings.”  You feel what you feel. There is merit in acknowledging specific feelings so that you can decide what to do about them.  So get connected. Is it tough for you to identify and acknowledge deeper feelings? Use the list in Appendix 4 as a jumpstart.
2. Own the facts of your “it”.  A proverb tells us, “the sky is not less blue because the blind man doesn’t see it.”  Revealed truth helps us evaluate the wisdom of releasing our “it”.  What are the answers to who, what, when, where, and why that describes your “it”? Discover and evaluate the truth; and you’ll be ready for the third step.
3. Make your decision to release your "it".  By connecting with your feelings and owning the facts of your “it”, you have clearer, more specific information to make your decision.  Will it be “yes, I’ll let it go,” or “no, I won’t?”  GOMO!^® is a choice.  If we choose to hold on to anger or worry or frustration, then we no longer camp with victims.  We have the power to choose release from distress, or not.  And if we choose “not”, we’ve still exercised our power of choice.
4. Opt for action.  The ideal result of “opt for action” is real action that releases the negative “it”, the worry of “it”, and the stress of “it”. Sometimes we make a decision that is powerful in intent, but we don’t follow through with the action to bring the decision alive. No action. No results. As a wonderfully clear Chinese proverb tells us, “Talk doesn’t cook rice.”
5. Replace the space with power.  Move On with a “Piece of Strength.”  Pieces of strength are in abundance. Pieces of strength include actions that build the health of your team’s relationships and their progress towards goal achievement. Use the following question as a cue to work with your team for additional pieces of strength:  What specific changes in the way we work would help us work together faster, more effectively, and with more fun?

25 Specific Solutions for Difficult Behaviors:

1. Create physical space.

2. Establish emotional boundaries (standards of behavior).

3. Invite critical feedback.

4. Consider your response to rights vs. needs vs. wants.

5. Develop respectful responses to disrespectful behavior.

6. Do not shoulder the blame for criticisms that are not yours to own.

7. Listen with respect and respond with care.

8. Stick to issues and behaviors.

9. Choose and use a level of assertion; especially try empathetic.

10. Initiate contact with, “Specifically, how can I be helpful to you?

11. Maintain your focus on, “We can work this out.”

12. Expect respect. (“We can work this out when you stop yelling.”)

13. Say what you mean in specific terms (we can’t read minds).

14. Use fair humor (quips, toys, stickers, etc.).

15. Keep congruent – words, tone actions.

16. Avoid debate.

17. Use sure signals for confidence. (Head up, face forward, eye contact, shoulders back, steady stance, posture straight, no leaning)

18. Count to 10.  Use silence to increase your calm.  It’s valuable to “leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

19. Speak from the “same side of the table.”

20. Tangible reminders to respond appropriately. (notes, touchstone, cues from a colleague, this notebook J)Document facts of behaviors and situation.

21. Build your credibility with your language and actions of deny Junk Talk^sm and raise WOW!^sm.

22. Give people a way out.  Establish choices.

23. Refuse the win-lose perspective.

24. Breathe.  Fully breathe for calm and for conveying steadiness and confidence.
     

Listen With Care

Ancient wisdom tell us, “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

 More recent research indicates that we spend about 40-45% of our waking hours listening, but only at 25% efficiency (“The Power of Listening” by Dr. Tony Alessandra, Ph.D.).

A common cause of conflict is that we don’t listen carefully enough – to content or to emotions.  Three barriers to careful listening are our presumption, impatience and pride.  Which is your greatest barrier?

 Our poor listening consistently leads to: 

q       Miscommunication

q       Errors

q       Lower productivity and morale

q       Lost customers

q       Increased turnover

 To listen with care:

q       Know why you are listening

q       Focus on content and the non-verbal messages

q       Organize what you are hearing through observation, reflective listening and note taking

q       Give your attention; if you cannot, say so

q       Avoid distractions

q       Avoid giving advice, moralizing, predicting the future, or asking questions

q       Avoid interrupting

q       Listen with your heart as well as your head

Squint With Your Ears!

 A Two-Part Model for
Confronting Conflict

(Consider:  Truth, Trust, Intention, and Creativity)